Unintended Immortality

“Daoist priest, what were you saying to that person just now?”

“He stole my money.”

“Hmm? Ah?” The little girl immediately stopped in her tracks, not walking any further.

Judging by her expression, she seemed to be thinking of going to snatch the money back.

“I already got the money back from him.”

“Bite him to death.”

“Humans can't do that.”

“Beat him to death.”

“It's not about biting or beating to death.” Song You patted her head. Given her height, he could reach her head easily which was quite convenient. “The punishment should fit the crime. You can't just beat someone to death because they stole some money from you. That's not in line with human standards.”

Just as Song You thought she had understood something or perhaps gained some insight, she extended her hand towards him and asked. “Do you want to eat a pill of immortality?”

“What?”

“A pill of immortality.”

Song You was puzzled. He looked down…

A tiny little hand that was extremely beautiful held a small pill in the center of its soft fair-skinned palm which was very, very small.

The little girl looked up at him with her fair and clear face, her expression serious.

“What is this?”

“A pill of immortality!”

The girl seemed deeply convinced about this.

“Where did it come from?”

“I found it.”

“Where did you find it?”

“In my nose.”

Song You was momentarily speechless.

The little girl continued to press. “Are you eating it or not?”

“I’m not eating it.”

“Why not?”

“Don't look for this kind of pill of immortality in the future.”

“If you don't eat it, I will!”

“Smack…”

“Hey! Why did you knock away my pill of immortality?”

“Don't eat that again.”

A large figure and a small figure walked further and further away.

After searching around, they finally found the mule and horse market.

As the name suggests, this place mainly traded mules, horses, and donkeys.

As soon as they entered, there was a strong smell of dung.

Many people were haggling, some stretching their hands into sleeves to indicate prices[1], while others conversed normally. Quite a few jianghu people were here too, looking to choose a mount they fancied.

Looking at a horse to judge its worth requires skill. A good horse complemented a hero. If someone picked a good horse, it was as if a tiger had grown wings. If the horse is chosen by a hero, it also gains some glory by association. However, a fine steed is hard to come by, and heroes are rare. However, if a fine steed happens to meet a hero, they can achieve great things together. In the future when someone writes a biography or historical novel, both their names may be recorded in history.

Song You was not skilled at judging horses, but he had his own choosing method.

He didn't plan to buy one right away today though. In these times, buying a horse was like buying a car. Mules weren’t cheap either. Even wealthy families must be cautious about making such purchases.

“Lady Calico, remember to follow me closely. There are too many jianghu people here. Don't get kidnapped.”

“Oh.” Lady Calico’s eyes were drawn to the large horses and mules by the sides of the road. It was unclear if she had heard him, and Song You thought she probably hadn’t heard. She even swayed as she walked.

Song You had to hold her hand.

They looked as they walked along.

Yidu was an important node in the tea-horse trade. Most of the horses here came from the southwest and were small in stature. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say they were barely bigger than some large donkeys.

However, there were no inherently bad horses.

Each had its uses.

Even the southwest horses which were often considered inferior were unmatched in traversing mountain paths.

But horses were precious and required good feed and grooming. The maintenance cost was high, and good horses were expensive. Their merits were just that they excelled at running and looked handsome. However, there wasn’t much opportunity for galloping on long journeys. Their explosive speed advantage seemed unlikely to come in useful, making them less cost-effective.

Unless he could buy a Beiyuan horse.

Beiyuan horses lived in the harsh northern highlands, making them extremely tough and resistant to both the cold and the heat. They were able to thrive on coarse feed and had strong stamina. Although not tall, and lacking explosive speed, they were the most commonly used military horse breed by the Great Yan court and were rarely seen in the market.

Donkeys were the opposite on the other hand.

They could tolerate coarse feed, had strong stamina, and were quite valuable for labor.

These days, it has become popular for the literati to ride donkeys as a sign of their refinement. A few years ago, even the current prime minister once rode a donkey to court to highlight his literati loftiness. It was also popular for Daoists to ride donkeys as it gave them an ethereal aura of an immortal.

Mules fell in between, combining the strengths of both.

However, mules were divided into two types, hinnies and horse mules.[2]

Comparing the two, hinnies were more similar to donkeys in build, strength and temperament. They were tough and tolerated coarse feed but they were somewhat shorter and smaller. Horse mules were more similar to horses in build and were taller and bigger, even rivaling horses in strength. Good horse mules were no cheaper than horses. Both had higher utility value than donkeys and were more resilient and tougher than horses.

So mules seem to be a better choice.

However, the emperor seemed to have plans recently to deploy troops in the north again. Horses and mules were important military goods, and the authorities had reportedly bought a large number of horses and horse mules before the temple fair opened. This not only caused the prices of horses and mules in the market to soar, with a southwest horse easily costing over twenty guan, but also meant that good ones had almost all been chosen and bought up. Only some subpar ones were left which jianghu people still furiously fought over.

Song You looked around but really couldn't find one he fancied.

“Aren't we buying one yet?”

“There aren’t any I fancy.”

“I told you to get up earlier!”

“I was wrong.”

“Everyone else is buying…” Lady Calico pointed at a person leading a horse mule away. “That person has already bought one!”

“No rush.”

Song You planned to look for two more days. If he still couldn't find a suitable one, he would buy a little donkey. He would travel the world leading it. Just thinking about it made him quite elated.

Some lines of poetry about riding donkeys had already come to his mind.

It was almost dusk.

After wandering around the temple fair all day, how could they not go to Yuewang Temple to burn some incense? It just so happened that the crowd had already thinned by that time.

Thus Song You led Lady Calico to the temple.

There was still a pair of couplets at the entrance.

It read:

“You seek fame and profit, he wants to know his fortune, pity me that I am totally heartless, how could I offer any advice?”

“The hall holds clouds of smoke and is lined with bells and cauldrons. It is laughable that people worship this clay and wood, wasting much money for nothing.”[3]

According to Constable Luo, the previous couplets didn’t used to be these. One day, the Yuewang deity had appeared in a dream and only then were they changed to the present ones. From this perspective, perhaps the deity really was from Yizhou. At the very least, this unconstrained spirit of not caring about anything was something commonly seen in people from Yizhou.

A large figure and a small figure stepped into the temple.

Inside was a deity with a tough and stocky build wearing a multi-colored divine robe. He looked righteous and sat majestically on the altar, glaring at every person who walked in.

As soon as Lady Calico stepped in, the deity's eyes flashed. She was so startled that her whole body trembled. She quickly stopped and looked at Song You, her little face looking somewhat helpless.

Fortunately, the flash had disappeared in the twinkling of an eye, and not many had seen it.

“The deity is indeed here.” Song You patted Lady Calico's head, stepped forward to pay respects, and then offered incense.

Offering incense whenever he came across a temple was his habit since there was nothing else to do anyway. It wasn’t that he had much reverence for the deities in the temples. His master often said that he was irreverent towards deities based on his exceptional innate talent and Daoist skills. Maybe so, but she also often said true ancient Daoist cultivators should view deities differently. Thus Song You wasn't disrespectful, he just respected them in a different way from ordinary people.

The incense smoke rose in spirals, and the candle flames flickered.

After offering incense, Song You turned and was about to leave when he paused suddenly and looked at the deity statue in front of him. After a moment of thought, he said, “Since the deity is here, have you seen any thieves stealing outside?”

The deity's eyes flashed again.

“I apologize for my audacity.” Song You strode out of the door, feeling endless joy in his heart.

This was the happiest thing he had done recently.

With each step away from the temple, the sky grew darker.

The temple fair was no less lively at night than during the day. There were many gifted scholars and beautiful ladies out to have fun carrying lanterns, and wandering down the lantern riddles[4] corridor. Beautiful ladies stole glances at scholars, and scholars at beautiful ladies. If fate favored them, it would be a beautiful love story like that of Yi’an Jushi.[5].

Song You only lingered around the night market snacks.

A few skewers of grilled meat, a bowl of water basin mutton[6], and a fire persimmon[7] with a molten center. They were northern delicacies that were normally hard to find and tasted as good as anything from later eras. That was that night's dinner.

Song You enjoyed this feeling.

He liked feeling that it was not inferior compared with later eras.

“Herbal remedies, effective indeed!”

“Thin people can gain weight after eating it! When urinating, pee can shoot eight zhang high!”

“How do you take it, you ask? Soak in wine if you have it, soak in urine if you don't, chew it dry if you lack both, it's still effective!”[8]

A fascinated crowd gathered around him.

Song You smiled again.

This person actually hadn’t stopped work for the day.

1. This was a way for ancient Chinese to haggle secretly and silently through touching each other’s hands while concealing them in long clothing sleeves. ☜

2. In Chinese, mules can refer to both hinnies and the offspring of male donkeys and female horses which has been translated as “horse mule” (i.e. “mule” in English) here. ☜

3. This is an actual couplet from Lingguan Temple, Mount Emei in Sichuan, China. ☜

4. Riddles written on lanterns displayed during Chinese festivals. ☜

5. Art name of Li Qingzhao, a famous Song dynasty female poet who had a happy marriage with a husband who shared her interests. ☜

6. Famous traditional mutton soup dish from Shaanxi province. Refer to https://chinatripedia.com/water-basin-mutton-shuipen-yangrou/ ☜

7. Type of seedless reddish-orange persimmon grown in Shaanxi province. ☜

8. Historically, there have been practices in Ancient China where herbal medicines were sometimes combined with urine. This practice was based on traditional beliefs about the medicinal properties of urine, which were thought to enhance the effectiveness of certain herbal remedies. However, it is important to note that this was a specific cultural and historical practice and is not widely recommended or practiced in modern times. ☜

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